Time

I’m approaching mid-life. My life crisis already occurred when I was 30. Catastrophic health issue. Bounced back, recovered, done. I’ll always be saddled with alcoholism, but I’ve been sober for years now, so hopefully I can put that behind me as a looming threat. I’m retired due to said health issue  (minor brain damage), so in a way, I’m given what few aren’t; the chance to do very interesting things with the rest of my life, that don’t involve slaving away for various corporations which was where my career as a systems engineer would have taken me. I would’ve made great money, sure, but that isn’t as important to me as it once was.

An engineer is never a manager. If you end up in management, you must have been a shitty engineer. Anyway, I try not to think about that sort of thing anymore. If I do, I get lost in thoughts about what could’ve been, and that serves no purpose. I am someone new, and the last 7 years have given me enough time to get used to who I am now. So, aside from trying to make this blog a success, what do I do now? I’m not really sure yet. I used to be the provider in my last long term relationship. Now I guess it’s my turn to be the house husband. But what else? It’s frustrating to have all the knowledge of a systems engineer, yet be incapable of practicing it. Besides making this blog function. (It pretty much runs itself anyway.)

I’ve always loved the line Dr. Soren in Star Trek: Generations has about time. “They say time is the fire in which we burn.” (Malcolm McDowell was brilliant in that role.) And, he’s right. Time is the most precious commodity there is. Everyone will do almost anything for more of it. (Well, Soren was going to wipe out 230 million sentient beings for an infinite amount of it, but back to the real world.) I probably have 35, maybe 40 years left. 45 if major advancements are made in medicine.

So what to do with all this retirement? It’s a wide open expanse. I’m on some kind of bizarre adventure with no idea where it goes. But then again, aren’t we all?

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