Merry Friggin’ Christmas

Now that I’ve officially worked my last day before Christmas, I would like to bestow on you some tidbits of wisdom that will hopefully be a release of built-up frustrations and my little nudge to make humanity a better species on this marble that is our only home of existence.  Now saying that, I’ve been working during the Christmas holiday season for many, MANY years now, and now I have an outlet to hopefully give you readers a good laugh or those of you who work retail, something that you can personally relate to.  So, without further delay, let’s jump right in shall we?!

NUMBER ONE!!!!  If you need help looking for something and you spot an employee who is carrying something heavy by carrying, I don’t know, A BOOKSHELF, please don’t proceed to stop him or her while seeing a visible visual cues of distress of having said heavy object in ones arms, and proceed to have the employee listen to what the fuck you need to find.  Please be a polite and how about this, courteous person and either make eye contact and follow them to where they can get said heavy as hell object to it’s location and then ask what you need.  I’m sure the employee will probably be shocked by the politeness of the customer and will be more than likely to go above and beyond to help you find what you need.  If out of stock, one will give you advice on how you can obtain said item that you want.

No. 2….. When its the week of Christmas, especially after the weekend before Christmas, don’t come in the store and be disgruntled when the shelves are very empty and you can’t find the product that you’re looking for.  People usually do a lot of their Christmas shopping the weekend before Christmas and the week of, so be prepared to do a lot of shopping around if you don’t order gifts online, especially hard to find items in stores.

No. 3…. Beginning the weekend before Christmas, please don’t call the store and be expected to be connected to the department you are wanting and expect for employees to answer the phone in a timely manner.  A lot of retail stores, especially the one I work at, have hundreds of people shopping at any one time during that week and it’s impossible for employees to take phone calls, to see what it is that you want and hold it for you.  I’m sure other stores stop holding items the weekend before Christmas through after the holiday.  My advice to you is to just get in your car and take a chance.  I’m not trying to be an ass about this, but in all honesty, we have to take care of the customers in the store and during this time of the year, if you call, you’re second or third priority, depending on what’s going on.

No. 4… If you are at the front of the store near the doors where you enter and exit and you see a person come in the store with the company uniform on with a coat and hat, chances very high is that they are just getting there or not on the clock, so please refrain from bombarding these poor people who can’t help you legally anyway because of labor laws.  Some places are very strict and can terminate an employee for helping you while not clocked in.  So unless you’re willing to pay the employees bills and offer them shelter and food when they get fired for violating company policy, leave them alone and find help from the employees actually working inside the store, again those who obviously are not shopping themselves because again, they are not on the clock.  Thank you very much.

No. 5… If you come in the store and you’re sick as hell and you sneeze on an employee, be prepared to either get a very nasty look, or cursed the hell out.  I have witnessed this and it has happened to me too.  I don’t care if it’s by accident, you usually have the time to cover your nasty ass mouth and nose in time and turn away.  Oh, and since I do work in a place where germs and virus’ are running rampant, please don’t make it worse by coming in, especially when you’re contagious, and spreading whatever funk you have.  We don’t get hazard pay, and when we can’t come into work because we are sick, we don’t get paid.  There is usually no sick time, and for those who have the option, it sucks to use a vacation day to cover that illness.  This advice goes to fellow employees as well, when you’re sick, STAY HOME!!!

No. 6… When you’re upset that something you want isn’t in the store, please refrain from accusing the employee for not having the product.  The employee has zero control of what comes into the store and what doesn’t.  Chances are that nobody working in the store has control about when we get products in the store.  They come from a distribution center and what comes on the truck is what we get.  I know stores like Lowes and other places can order certain products, but stores like Walmart and Target, etc do not “order” products when it’s out of the shelves.  The system usually knows when we’re low or out and automatically sends for whatever needed from distribution center if in stock.

No. 7…DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT go into a store and you see an employee that’s visually very busy either stocking shelves and ask STUPID ASS questions, like “what’s on sale over here today”?  There are SALE TAGS on items that are on sale, and if there is something you’re curious about, it’s okay to ask, but DO NOT ask for the employee to scan every item on the shelf to see if it’s on sale, or ask if you can lower a price on something just for the hell of it.  I had one of these today and the imagery and thoughts I had was very satisfying to me, and if I had said or acted upon them, she probably would either had pressed charges and wanted to speak to my manager. 🙂

No. 8…Why in the hell do people not watch their children?  Now this is dangerous to let your small child, even at the age of 5 to 7 go too far from you where you can’t see them.  This world is dangerous and when someone snatches your child and chances are that the parent or parents will have the audacity to get upset that the child was kidnapped.  I can’t tell you how many children come up to me because they can’t find their parents and vice versa.  It gets me in the heart when I hear a child quivering voice because they are scared because their parent failed them and was too distracted and wondered off.

No. 9…I know this is the age of technology, but speaking from myself, if you come in the store blaring Christmas music, and not good Christmas music, but that boring ass chamber music, be prepared for me to curse your ass out in my mind.  I’m sure the word “fuck nugget” will come to the fore a few times.  In all seriousness though, employees at a lot of retailers have sacrificed a lot of family time because of greed from the business level to the consumer.  I haven’t spent Thanksgiving with my family in years.  I can’t remember the last Thanksgiving I’ve gone home for Thanksgiving, and it’s been about 2 years for Christmas, and the only reason that happened was an awful experience happened (and I could have been killed), and my parents came and picked me up and I spent a few days around Christmas with them.

Finally, please be patient and be prepared for long lines at the checkouts.  Unlike one retailer whom I won’t mention, will have a small fraction of lanes open no matter how busy they are, some stores will get as many registers opened, if not every register and there are just too many people to assure a fast and sometimes fast AND friendly checkout.  These employees usually have shifts that depends on the customers they come in contact with, and while this time of year, we see the absolute worst in humanity, please be understanding and know that we will do our absolute best to get you out the door as possible.

Thank you for reading this rant, and I’m sure some of you can relate to at least one or two of these.  🙂