Depression: The Internal Enemy

Ever felt sad? Lonely? Depressed? Haven’t we all at some point in time? When do you know that its more than just a normal case of the blues? Over 80% of the population suffers from some form of depression, whether its Bipolar, Postpartum, or Major depression somewhere along the line most everyone has experienced some sort of depressive state. The lack of motivation, lack of appetite or maybe excessive appetite, fatigue, insomnia, and the list goes on. There are so many signs to depression and, yet a lot of people hide it very well. Depression really doesn’t have a face, but it’s out there: the person behind you in the grocery store, that teacher who sends too much homework home with your kid, even the news anchor on the television delivering the 6pm news. Some people are more open with their depression and even thoughts of suicide. Others are hidden in the shadows never to be discovered until it’s too late.

There are so many treatments now a days for depression from talk therapy or psychotherapy to medications such as Prozac, Zoloft and Cymbalta. Some people battle their depression with exercise and healthy eating whereas others sit and allow theirs to consume them, feeling hopeless and as if the world would be better off without them. Never judge someone with depression; you don’t know what they have gone through to get to the state they are in, from losing a job, a child or even dealing with rejection at every turn they take. Instead of wondering what put them in this state why not reach out and offer a hand? Sometimes all they need is someone to lean on, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

I have suffered for many years with different types of depression from what’s called seasonal depression where certain times of the year can get a person down to PMDD which most people think is just extreme PMS it’s really not. PMDD or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder is like PMS, but its more than mood swings once a month; it’s a complete battle of the mind during a woman’s monthly cycle. It causes extreme mood swings, sadness, and the ability to hate oneself for no reason. Not only did I have to deal with this, but I also hit Dysthymia which is not as bad as Major depression but it’s the closest form. I would tend to either over eat or not eat at all, sleep too much or not sleep for days. I even went through days where I just wanted to give up and rid the world of the pathetic being that I had become. Even now I still struggle on a daily basis with depression, I try to work my issues out through therapy and meditating to rid my mind of the negative thoughts but some days not even that’s enough to get me out of bed. The only thing I live for is my children. They are what hold me together and after going through a bad divorce and having to deal with a narcissistic ex I must keep reminding myself that my kids need me, and they are what hold me to this world.

My life is better now than it was a few years ago, but depression is a part of who I am and no matter what, it will always be there. However, just because its embedded deep into our souls does not mean it controls us. No, we control it, if we want to feel sad when our dog dies or cry when we watch a sad movie then we have that right. Just don’t let it consume you, take control of your mind and show it who calls the shots. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there, I’ve seen people consumed to no end by depression. Seen some take their own lives and seen some take back their lives. The difference is having someone you can rely one. Sometimes that’s all a person needs and before you think about taking that final option please reach out to someone. If you don’t have friends or family that you trust to confide in them, you can text 741741 and someone from a suicide hotline with text with you. You don’t have to give them your personal info, but they can help you if you are feeling suicidal, depressed or just need someone to talk to.

Don’t allow your circumstances to decide your fate. Push forward and know that you are not alone. Hell, if you are that desperate and seeking someone to listen you can message me. I am good at listening and don’t pass judgement on anyone. You can email me ashleaingram15@gmail.com and I will try my best to help anyone or even help you find the help you need. Suicide or self-mutilation is never the answer. There is someone out there who cares about you.

 

 

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