Ever been told that you weren’t good enough? That everything you do is wrong? Feel like no matter what you do no one would ever love you? These are the feelings that a narcissist psychopath can make you feel. They will tear you down any chance they get in order to keep control over you. I have unfortunately been here not once but twice. Both of my marriages were with men who were control freaks and never allowed me to think for myself. The first one I had kids with and he constantly used them against me. The second one we never had kids together but his son had lost his mother when he was first born so when I came into the picture he was only 2 and looked to me as his mother.
I tried for the sake of the child to stay with my second husband because I knew what he had been through and I felt the need to protect the little boy. Sad thing is protecting this boy was costing me to literally get hurt. I don’t know if this man I was with had some sort of split personality or what because anytime something happened he swore it didn’t. I have the pictures to prove the bruises he put on my arms. I got tired of the abuse after he grabbed me by my hair and demanded I obey him. It was in that moment I knew what I had to do.
It wasn’t an easy decision as I have 3 kids myself and being a single mother wasn’t something that sounded appealing. I had to protect myself and my own kids from this type of environment. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from this type of situation. I had known this man for 18 years which is over half my life but he was not the person I met way back when. He had changed somehow and of course he claimed it was me who changed and that it was all my fault. Now I’m not saying I was perfect. I was far from it but It wasn’t all my fault and I took responsibility for the things that were me and I wanted to fix it. However, you can’t fix a relationship with a one-sided view. It takes two to make it work.
He always claimed that he was my soul mate, that I completed him but in reality, we are whole in ourselves. A soul mate can be anyone from family to friends to lovers. It’s like cutting paper hearts out of one sheet of paper. Soul Mates are cut from the same cloth and there are more than 1 of them. We don’t need another person to complete us. We all have a whole soul and a whole heart. I had to learn the hard way that sometimes love is blinded. We know something isn’t right but we are too scared to step outside our comfort zone to change it. I learned after 10 years with my first husband that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way so it only took me 3 years with the second to finally walk away. Only reason it took that long was because of the child that I didn’t want to give up. In the long run I know it’s for the best and he will be fine in life as will my kids and I.