They say falling in love is easy, but what they don’t tell you is how easy falling in love can hurt you. Love at first sight has been said to be a myth, but if you have ever looked at someone for the first time and felt an instant connection not to their looks– but to their heart or soul– you start to fall in love when you can look into someone’s eyes and see a whole world within. Being in love can be the most magical feeling you have ever experienced but it can also be the most painful. We never really choose who we fall in love with, I mean we choose to love people based on actions but when you fall for someone its usually the most unexpected person and the most unexpected time.
I have been through my share of heartache in the past with not one but two failed marriages. There was love in the beginning but it was more of an admiration that slowly faded over time due to actions. When you experience being with someone who tries to control your every move or even decides to lay hands on you that is no longer love its obsession and manipulation. You have to be able to determine if you truly love a person or if you are just scared of change or being alone. I went through this and I was in the mindset of love isn’t real and all the fairy tale crap we grew up hearing was nothing more than a messed-up reality.
However, I met a person who changed all of that. When we first met there was an instant connection and familiarity to him. I wasn’t sure what it was but I trust him and that was a rare thing for me as I do not trust anyone very easily. I felt a comfort with this person the moment my eyes met his but it wasn’t like a romantic spark like you read in love stories it was more of a have we met before type feeling. Trying to figure out what this person seems so familiar and how come I felt so comfortable around him. I spent several months talking to him and just being friends and then one day it just clicked. I looked into his eyes but that day I saw something different. I saw something I had never seen before. It was then that my heart skipped a beat and I felt his soul.
I was scared to tell him and I even denied it when he asked me. I didn’t want to lose him or scare him away because I knew he wasn’t ready for that type of relationship. We had already had this conversation before and agreed we didn’t want anything serious. After about a month I realized I had to tell him so I took a leap and did just that. At first, he started to avoid me but then slowly came back around. He hasn’t fully accepted his feelings but I made it clear where mine stood and that I understood his as well. Love can be scary but it can also be amazing. After what I went through in my past love scares the hell out of me but when I am with him everything around me seems to disappear. The only times I am sad is when we are not together. It takes a lot of effort to make love work but its up to use to decide if its worth the struggle to stay or to just let go and walk away.
I am choosing to hold on to this feeling even if it does hurt at times when he can’t make up his mind but I am not going to give up on this that easily. I have found a person whose arms feel like home to me every time he hugs me. That’s not something you just throw away. For those who struggle with what is real look deep within yourself and once you accept who you are and love yourself for it you will understand what love is real and what isn’t.
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